It’s a sad truth: Lots of women are abused by their husbands or boyfriends. Could you be one? Read on for 12 warning signs…<\/p>\n
Think abuse could never happen to you? Even if he never raises a hand, you could be hit with emotional or verbal smackdowns that are equally damaging.<\/p>\n
Yet, \u201cwomen tend to overlook these signs because we\u2019re trying to be understanding, or because we can\u2019t believe that our man would do anything like that,\u201d says Michele Sugg, MSW, a therapist in Branford, Conn.<\/p>\n
The number of women who don\u2019t make headlines or get personal pleas from Oprah is staggering: Each year, two million are battered and 1,200 are killed by their partners, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).<\/p>\n
Even more live in fear of violence or face emotional abuse every day.<\/p>\n
Check out these 12 signs of abuse, which can help you avoid becoming another statistic:<\/p>\n
1. He makes snide jokes at your expense.
Although boorish and rude, the occasional zinger isn\u2019t an automatic ticket to the Abusers Hall of Fame.<\/p>\n
But aiming poison barbs in your direction and then brushing it off \u2013 like \u201cCan\u2019t you take a joke?\u201d \u2013 shows a lack of respect.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a sign of emotional distancing, which can very quickly turn into abuse,\u201d says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., (aka Dr. Gilda), an advice columnist on Match.com and author of He\u2019s Not All That (Collins).<\/p>\n
Emotional abuse can become physical with very little notice. Just ask Aimee, 41, of San Francisco, who was in an abusive relationship for eight years \u2013 while working at a battered women\u2019s shelter!<\/p>\n
It was so subtle, says Aimee (whose name was changed to protect her privacy).<\/p>\n
\u201cIt went from unhealthy to pathological in such tiny increments that I accepted every little increment completely.\u201d<\/p>\n
By the time it crossed over into physical abuse, \u201cI couldn\u2019t name it. I was in absolute denial,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
2. The relationship is on the fast track.
He\u2019s infatuated with you and is already talking commitment. But slow down.<\/p>\n
A light-speed lothario often has something to hide, says relationship therapist Joyce Morley-Ball, Ed.D. (aka Dr. Joyce).<\/p>\n
If he\u2019s quick to say \u201cI love you\u201d and soon makes plans for moving in, getting married and having a baby, he may be trying to lock up the relationship before you can see what he\u2019s really about.<\/p>\n
He knows you\u2019re less likely to leave him after you get involved, she says. <\/p>\n
3. Nothing is ever his fault.
That speeding ticket? The cop had it in for him. The job he lost? The boss had a grudge against him. The promotion he didn\u2019t get? The woman who did must have been sleeping with the boss.<\/p>\n
Maybe your guy has the worst luck ever. Or consider this: The man who never takes responsibility for any of his actions may be quick to blame you when he ultimately loses control of his temper \u2013 and his fists. \u201cIf you hadn\u2019t done _____, I wouldn\u2019t have hit you.\u201d<\/p>\n
If he can get you to believe it\u2019s your fault, he\u2019s off the hook in his mind. So take notice of his blame list \u2013 you could be next.<\/p>\n
4. You\u2019re always making excuses for his behavior.
He\u2019s tired. He had a hard week. He\u2019s under a lot of pressure. He\u2019s only like that when he\u2019s had too much to drink.<\/p>\n
Sure, these excuses may explain the rare social gaffe and could, in fact, be true. <\/p>\n
But if you\u2019re regularly trying to explain away rude, violent or disrespectful behavior, you could be emotionally abused.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s this wall of denial that we put up when we\u2019re in a relationship, and we all do it to some extent,\u201d Sugg says. \u201cBut you shouldn\u2019t have to explain away someone else\u2019s behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s just like a slap in the face, she says. \u201cHow many of those slaps would you take?\u201d<\/p>\n
5. You bend over backward so he doesn\u2019t get upset.
Are you walking on eggshells because of his hair-trigger temper that erupts for everything big (a blown business deal) to small (his warm beer)?<\/p>\n
But you can\u2019t keep the peace by being perfect because you can\u2019t control his emotions, Dr. Joyce says. \u201cHis anger has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
Chances are, no matter how hard you try to make things \u201cperfect\u201d \u2013 there\u2019s no such thing, by the way \u2013 he\u2019ll still find something that\u2019ll set him off.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you\u2019re living in fear of upsetting him because he\u2019ll blow up in your face, understand that eventually he\u2019ll blow up on your face,\u201d Dr. Gilda says.<\/p>\n
6. He controls the money.
It\u2019s one thing if your man is the designated bill-payer (as mutually agreed upon). It\u2019s a different story if you have no access to your personal money, no credit cards in your name and you get only a small allowance. Maybe he even runs up your credit cards, then tanks your credit score.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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