{"id":288592,"date":"2011-03-03T23:04:06","date_gmt":"2011-03-03T23:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ghanamma.net\/2011\/03\/03\/they-should-make-a-drama-out-of-my-life-ruthie-henshall-on-surviving-divorce-her-sisters-suicide-and-abuse-as-a-child\/"},"modified":"2011-03-03T23:04:06","modified_gmt":"2011-03-03T23:04:06","slug":"they-should-make-a-drama-out-of-my-life-ruthie-henshall-on-surviving-divorce-her-sisters-suicide-and-abuse-as-a-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ghanamma.com\/2011\/03\/03\/they-should-make-a-drama-out-of-my-life-ruthie-henshall-on-surviving-divorce-her-sisters-suicide-and-abuse-as-a-child\/","title":{"rendered":"They should make a drama out of my life! Ruthie Henshall on surviving divorce, her sister’s suicide and abuse as a child"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n<\/p>\n

\nBy
\nRichard Barber<\/a>
Last updated at 11:04 PM on 3rd March 2011<\/p>\n

Ruthie Henshall returns her cup of cappuccino to its saucer and looks me straight in the eye.<\/p>\n

\u2018The past three years have been testing,\u2019 she says, \u2018but I\u2019m starting to feel peaceful. I don\u2019t want to sound like Pollyanna, but I feel blessed that everything is now calm.\u2019<\/p>\n

This newfound contentment represents something of a sea-change in her approach to how she runs her life.<\/p>\n

\n\"Testing<\/p>\n

Testing times: Whether they invite it or not, there are some people who seem to attract unexpected drama. Ruthie Henshall is one of those people<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u2018I\u2019d always been a person who had goals. Not now. Now I\u2019m content to live one day at a time. Anyway, you know what they say: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.\u2019<\/p>\n

Whether they invite it or not, there are some people who seem to attract unexpected drama. Ruthie Henshall is one of those people. <\/p>\n

So the Almighty must have been chuckling on and off throughout Ruthie\u2019s life as she shared her goals with him, even if much of what has happened to her \u2014 in her private life, at least \u2014 has been far from funny.<\/p>\n

She will be 44 on Monday, and on Wednesday opened in a new West End production of Noel Coward\u2019s Blithe Spirit opposite Alison Steadman, Hermione Norris and Robert Bathurst.<\/p>\n

After 25 years as one of our most bankable musical theatre stars, this represents something of a departure from her comfort zone.<\/p>\n

\u2018It\u2019s so different from what I\u2019m used to,\u2019 she says. \u2018There are only seven of us in the cast and I\u2019m used to a large company. I kept waiting for more people to turn up. It wasn\u2019t remotely showbiz. I showed up on the first day, all t*ts and teeth, to be met \u2014 quite properly \u2014 by a reverential atmosphere.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019d just seen a TV documentary about Alison Steadman and her huge body of work. I could barely look her in the eye at rehearsals. I kept wanting to genuflect. I realise now how nervous I was. I spent the first couple of weeks cracking jokes, never quite being able to relax. But then I often do that. I use humour as a shield.\u2019<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a habit that goes back to her childhood. Her parents, David and Gloria, have always had a passionate, not to say volatile marriage. Ruthie, the youngest of four girls, would strain every sinew, she says now, to be a people-pleaser. <\/p>\n

\u2018I wanted everything to be nice. I wanted my parents to stay together. It\u2019s no mystery why I became a dancer and singer. I was performing long before I became a performer.\u2019 She was four-and-a-half when a close and trusted family friend sexually abused her. To this day, she prefers not to say what happened.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\"At<\/p>\n

At ease: Ruthie and fellow Dancing on Ice judges Lilly Allen and Jason Gardiner. This newfound contentment represents something of a sea-change in her approach to how she runs her life<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\u2018But it was serious,\u2019 she says, \u2018and he frightened me as much by what he said afterwards as by what he\u2019d done. I don\u2019t remember the words he used. But I can clearly recall his finger wagging in my face and the threat of what would happen if I told anyone \u201cour\u201d secret. I was very, very scared, properly afraid.\u2019 <\/p>\n

The same man repeated the abuse when Ruthie was eight and nine. \u2018And I never breathed a word to anyone.\u2019<\/p>\n

Ruthie first made her name, aged 19, in Cats. It\u2019s where she met Prince Edward, then working for Andrew Lloyd Webber\u2019s Really Useful Group. \u2018Edward would come to the theatre and I was totally unfazed about chatting to him \u2014 the arrogance of youth, I suppose.\u2019 <\/p>\n

They dated for five years, on and off, \u2018two of them solid\u2019 she says.She was a regular visitor to Buckingham Palace, often dining with her boyfriend\u2019s parents. \u2018It was a bit nerve-racking at first, but the Queen and Prince Philip are used to putting people at their ease.\u2019 <\/p>\n

The relationship ran its course and she has not one bad word to say about her Prince. \u2018I was even invited to his wedding to Sophie; the two of them are so beautifully matched.\u2019<\/p>\n

As her professional reputation flourished with leading roles in musicals such as Crazy For You, Oliver! and Chicago, so, perversely, did her long-suppressed childhood rage which surfaced as recurring depression. By 1994, she was engaged to John Gordon Sinclair, famous from the film Gregory\u2019s Girl, and appearing with him in the musical She Loves Me.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019d be fine on stage, hiding behind the mask of the role I was playing. Then I\u2019d go out after the show and lie in bed the following morning until midday. I was putting my life on hold. I never stopped long enough to confront my underlying depression. And I was using alcohol to numb my emotions.\u2019<\/p>\n

Eventually, she revealed her dark childhood secret to her sister, Abi, a psychotherapist. She was the first person to make Ruthie realise how much anger she\u2019d bottled up inside. <\/p>\n

Abi recommended a therapist. \u2018Although he convinced me I had every justification for my anger, I think I was looking for a quick fix and, when it didn\u2019t happen, I stopped seeing him.\u2019<\/p>\n

\n\"Treading<\/p>\n

Treading the boards: Ruthie became an overnight sensation as Roxie Hart in the hit musical Chicago <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

While on Broadway playing Roxie Hart in Chicago, she consulted two other therapists. \u2018For whatever reason, neither was scratching the itch. Therapies and therapists are so particular, so personalised. One size doesn\u2019t fit all.\u2019<\/p>\n

On impulse one day, Ruthie rang up a woman – a social worker she\u2019d met just once through a friend – to ask for help. \u2018I found it much easier talking to this virtual stranger about what I was going through than to anyone close to me.\u2019<\/p>\n

When she\u2019d finished pouring out her woes, Ruthie was asked by the woman if she\u2019d ever heard of the Hoffman Process, an amalgamation of strands from different therapies with an emphasis on taking the participant back to unresolved childhood issues which need sorting before you can move forward again.<\/p>\n

She attended an eight-day residential course in California, \u2018chosen because nobody knew me there and I was fearful of what I was letting myself in for\u2019. Physical work included beating a cushion with a baseball bat. <\/p>\n

\u2018I ended up with blisters on my hands, so there was a lot of anger wanting to come out.\u2019<\/p>\n

Ruthie was encouraged to write down her thoughts without taking the pen off the page until she\u2019d run out of things to say. \u2018Then you had to throw all the paper in the bin, a way of releasing your problems.\u2019 <\/p>\n

By the end of the course, she remembers feeling as if she were floating on air. \u2018It was like I\u2019d been injected with a drug that was going to allow me to cope. I was left with the tools for whenever I needed help through a demanding time.\u2019<\/p>\n

Sadly, in August 2007, those tools were needed as never before. Another sister, Noel, had emerged from a difficult relationship. Unable to cope, she ended her life with an overdose. <\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m never going to get over it,\u2019 says Ruthie, \u2018none of us are. And we\u2019re never going to stop missing her. If I\u2019m honest, I also felt anger towards Noel. I\u2019d got my life back on track and now this. I know that will sound selfish, but I couldn\u2019t help it.\u2019<\/p>\n

In 2001, she had starred in the West End musical Peggy Sue Got Married. Her leading man was Canadian singer\/actor Tim Howar, 41. \u2018As soon as he walked into rehearsals, I thought: \u201cWho\u2019s that?\u201d He was very loud, so full of life and very, very funny.\u2019 <\/p>\n

\n\"What<\/p>\n

What lies beneath: Eventually, she revealed her dark childhood secret to her sister, Abi, a psychotherapist. She was the first person to make Ruthie realise how much anger she’d bottled up inside\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Six weeks later, Ruthie turned to him one day and blurted out: \u2018You\u2019re going to be the father of my children.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018I don\u2019t know what came over me. Mind you, he didn\u2019t turn a hair.\u2019<\/p>\n

The couple married in 2004, a year after Lily, now eight, was born. Dolly, six, appeared two years later. But in 2009 the marriage began to unravel. She is reluctant to discuss the details but, when pushed, lays some of the blame at the door of their conflicting work schedules.<\/p>\n

\u2018Absence makes the heart grow fonder, yes, but only for a short amount of time. Quite soon, it can be more a case of out of sight, out of mind.\u2019 <\/p>\n

They\u2019ve been apart for 18 months, their divorce not yet finalised. \u2018When we separated, I went through the different stages of anger, bitterness, upset, what you might call the arc of grief. <\/p>\n

\u2018No one goes into a marriage thinking it might last only a few years. I meant my vows when I took them. I looked at my parents \u2014 57 years together and still counting \u2014 and that\u2019s what I wanted for me, what I thought I\u2019d have.\u2019<\/p>\n

She\u2019s close to her father. \u2018Well, I\u2019ll always be his baby.\u2019 <\/p>\n

When something upset her recently, \u2018He put his arms around me and said: \u201cThere\u2019s nothing we can\u2019t sort out together.\u201d I\u2019m a woman of 43, but I completely trust that everything\u2019s going to be all right when he tells me something like that. He\u2019s been the only man in a household of five women. And we\u2019re all barking.\u2019 <\/p>\n

She laughs, adding: \u2018Tim and I have wrestled ourselves into as good a place as it can be, although I don\u2019t mind admitting it\u2019s still a work in progress. <\/p>\n

\u2018But we can be civil now. We can hug each other. A lot of the kindness is coming back into our relationship. It\u2019s what I want our children to see.\u2019<\/p>\n

And yet\u2026\u2009\u2018Just when I thought we were through the forest, one of the girls asked me the other day why Daddy couldn\u2019t come and live with us again. I repeated what we said when Tim and I broke up: \u201cMummy and Daddy aren\u2019t best friends any more and you have to be best friends to be married.\u201d Tim now lives in London and has a girlfriend.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019ve always asked him not to introduce anyone to our daughters until he and she are serious about each other. So far, that hasn\u2019t happened. Anyway, he\u2019s about to go on tour with Mike & The Mechanics as one of their lead singers.<\/p>\n

\u2018The trouble is, Lily and Dolly have gypsies for parents. I\u2019m doing six evenings a week in Blithe Spirit and two matinees. <\/p>\n

Because their parents\u2019 professional lives are so unpredictable, I want to keep the girls\u2019 home life as stable as possible. <\/p>\n

And no, she can\u2019t\u00a0 imagine finding a new partner. \u2018How could a significant man fit into my life? Who could be good enough to introduce to the girls? They\u2019ve gone through enough with my separation from their father.\u2019<\/p>\n

It knocked Ruthie sideways, too, making her take a long, cool look at her life. \u2018My big new word is \u201cpause\u201d. I\u2019ve always had a habit of charging at things head first. <\/p>\n

\u2018But I\u2019ve learnt I need to pause and think and figure out whatever it is before moving forward. I even started buying books about dealing with divorce and its effect on children. And I talk to other people \u2014 friends I trust implicitly \u2014 who may have some useful advice.\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\"New<\/p>\n

New horizons: Ruthie is starring in Noel Coward’s Blithe Spirit. After 25 years as one of our most bankable musical theatre stars, this represents something of a departure from her comfort zone<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

She refuses to feel sorry for herself. \u2018Nobody coasts through life,\u2019 she says. \u2018Yes, there have been times when I\u2019ve tucked into a tub of Haagen-Dazs and had a good blub, but it passes, not least because life \u2014 especially with children \u2014 propels you forward.\u2019<\/p>\n

She may be a West End star, but it\u2019s likely many will know Ruthie from her stint as a judge on Dancing On Ice in 2008 and 2009.<\/p>\n

\u2018I was asked if I was interested in being a contestant in the first series, but I\u2019d turned it down. I didn\u2019t think it would catch on.\u2019 <\/p>\n

How wrong she was. \u2018On my\u00a0 first appearance, I was seen by\u00a0 ten million viewers \u2014 that\u2019s more people than have seen me in my entire stage career.\u2019<\/p>\n

Now she\u2019s back on stage, but she\u2019s also writing a book aimed at people wanting to get into musical theatre. She\u2019s also recording two albums, a celebration of her quarter-century in the business and another of lullabies. \u2018I couldn\u2019t find any good CDs to play to my children in the car or when I was putting them to bed.\u2019<\/p>\n

She performed six concerts last year, rather nervously, she says. \u2018I didn\u2019t know if I\u2019d sell enough tickets. People would come to see me in Chicago, but did I exist outside the brand? Did they want to see Roxie or Ruthie?\u2019 She needn\u2019t have worried. Now, she\u2019s planning an extensive tour for the second half of this year.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s why she can say she\u2019s reached a calmer place in her life. \u2018I concentrate on the here and now. There\u2019s a saying I like: \u201cYesterday\u2019s history, tomorrow\u2019s a mystery. But today\u2019s a gift. That\u2019s why it\u2019s called the present.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u2018Corny, I know,\u2019 she says, pulling a face. \u2018But that doesn\u2019t stop it being true.\u2019<\/p>\n