\nAnn Widdecombe<\/a><\/p>\n
Last updated at 8:29 AM on 30th December 2011<\/p>\n
When Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood invited Ann Widdecombe to join him in panto, the former Tory MP jumped at the chance. Here, Ann, who plays the Widdy-In-Waiting, maid to Craig\u2019s Wicked Witch in Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs, reveals all\u2009.\u2009.\u2009.<\/span> Little and large: Ann with co-star and Strictly Come Dancing judge Craig Revel Horwood\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n November 2011<\/span><\/span> The script has arrived and I read it closely, trying to spot all the double entendres. There\u2019s the usual clause in my contract: \u2018A.\u2009W. will not speak or act in any way which she considers immodest or indecent\u2019, but there doesn\u2019t seem to be anything too awful. Note that I have to dress as a maid at one point. Tell agent sternly I wish to be more Mrs Danvers than saucy parlour maid. Begin week of rehearsals at church hall on London housing estate. Relief to find everyone \u2014 Craig included \u2014 are reading from the script for the first three days. Like me, they are learning on the job.<\/span><\/p>\n Begin to make small amendments to script, adding my own jokes. There\u2019s a line where Craig says, \u2018I wish you to retire\u2019. I\u2019m supposed to respond, \u2018You\u2019re not the only one\u2019, but I amend it to, \u2018Yes, that\u2019s what David Cameron said\u2019. Gets a huge laugh in rehearsals.<\/span><\/p>\n Nobody seems perturbed by my complete failure to co-ordinate music and movement. Two dancers kindly pick me up when I am on the floor, dizzy from Craig\u2019s spin-drop. It may not be Hamlet, but it still feels like a terrible error if I get something wrong. December 5<\/span> We\u2019re working with children from the local dance school who play the dwarves and animals. It\u2019s both a delight and an anxiety. The children wear masks and recorded adult voices deliver their lines. So the adults\u2019 timing has to be spot-on. December 8<\/span> My wig comes adrift in the first dance, taking with it microphone and hat, and I\u2019m nearly mown down by the dwarves\u2019 cottage when it is wheeled out during a scene change. Craig finds himself addressing a blank screen. December 9<\/span><\/span> Knuckling down: Ann brushes up her lines using an iPad<\/p>\n<\/div>\n First matinee. Totally convinced I\u2019ll forget something but miraculously everything comes together in a swirling mass of colour, song and music. \u2018Are you scared?\u2019 I ask the dwarves as we stand behind the scenes. \u2018Yes,\u2019 they chorus behind their masks, \u2018break a leg!\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n Two performances today, but I can\u2019t pretend it\u2019s remotely tiring. All-night sittings in the Commons and reading my red boxes until the early hours were far worse. What am I doing now? Sitting in my dressing room in a wig and make-up and making a few forays on to the stage. What\u2019s exhausting about that? Opening night. The kids laugh at the slapstick. It\u2019s a joy to hear them. It\u2019s easy to provoke fits of giggles in children, but the real challenge is to make grown-ups laugh. So I\u2019m pleased that the political jokes are going down a storm. They love it when Craig tells me to find something disgusting to do, and I reply: \u2018Right, I\u2019ll go and join the Lib Dems.\u2019 My old friend George Stack, the Archbishop of Cardiff, comes to see the show with a party of ten or so. He has to leave immediately but the rest of the party crams into my dressing room, then goes back for a drink to the hotel where I\u2019m staying for the run. December 10<\/span><\/span> December 11<\/span> Civic Night: The Mayor and councillors are here along with every Conservative in Kent, it seems. A roar of laughter as I enter, doing a staggering dance, and when Craig dispatches me to clean up the palace and I respond with, \u2018It\u2019s Hard Labour \u2014 like Harriet Harman,\u2019 there are cheers. \u2018They loved you!\u2019 says Craig after the show. My character is very forthright, belligerent and ancient. I\u2019m hardly acting at all! December 12<\/span> When Craig did the spin drop that sends me swirling across the stage that evening I feared the chips might make a re-appearance. December 13<\/span> He isn\u2019t the curmudgeon he pretends to be on Strictly. He\u2019s humorous, generous and enjoys making people laugh. We inhabit totally different worlds but we share a sense of humour. We\u2019re great friends.<\/span><\/p>\n He commutes to London each night. The only other actor staying in my hotel is Nick Weir, Muddles the court jester. We don\u2019t socialise every night, but like any group of work colleagues, occasionally have a drink. December 16<\/span> December 17<\/span><\/span> I revel in the view over moors to the sea from my window. At Dartford I just see the car park. But I\u2019m enjoying my interlude in Luvvyland. Nancy? She\u2019s as mad as a ferret. And her arrogance! She thinks she\u2019s the most famous person in Italy after Sophia Loren. (Bad luck Pavarotti and Da Vinci). Anton\u2019s ever-discreet, but he must think he always gets the lunatics. Getting ready: Ann’s dresser Ceris helps her on with a ginger wig<\/p>\n<\/div>\n December 19<\/span> December 20<\/span><\/span> People stop me for autographs all the time. I feel as if I\u2019ve had my photo taken with half the population of Dartford. I\u2019d certainly never refuse. It started with Strictly. I take it as a compliment. My favourite comment? The little girl who said, \u2018I want the granny to win.\u2019 I\u2019d love it if all the kids in the audience thought of me as \u2018the granny\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n Between matinees and evening shows I stay in my dressing room. I read or write a few paragraphs of my autobiography. \u00a0<\/p><\/div>\n December 21<\/span><\/span> I wear a lot of Chanel (my own) and then some gunk on my lips and awful red\/brown blusher. December 23<\/span> But, of course, I haven\u2019t. I\u2019m performing Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, so won\u2019t see my great nephews and nieces this year. My sister-in-law rang to say: \u2018Shall we bring them to the show?\u2019\u201d The oldest is seven and they live in the West Country. I wouldn\u2019t dream of it. I said: \u2018If it\u2019s a success I\u2019ll be doing another panto next year, possibly nearer to you.\u2019
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<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Little](\"http:\/\/www.ghanamma.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/af39article-0-0F4B593100000578-416_634x548.jpg\")
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Craig assures me we\u2019ll be hilarious. We make an odd couple, but it will be fun. Besides, if I don\u2019t enjoy it, at the end of the run I can just say, \u2018It\u2019s behind me!\u2019
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Line-learning punctuated by fortnight at TV studios recording three quiz shows a day for new series called Cleverdicks for Sky Atlantic. Emerge with encyclopedic general knowledge but can recall nothing of script beyond existence of seven dwarves. Dash home to Devon to pack for the five-week panto stint.
<\/span><\/p>\nNovember 28<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n
Box office takings were a record and the show’s run has been extended for a week<\/span>
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Move to theatre in Dartford, venue for the show. Professional actors are magnanimous about having a complete \u2014 and often bungling \u2014 amateur in their midst. Here am I, emblazoned on all the posters alongside Craig, yet I don\u2019t have a clue about what I\u2019m doing. But this isn\u2019t politics. Nobody is out to resent or criticise: they just want an enjoyable show.<\/span><\/p>\n
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First dress rehearsal. Have excruciating toothache but concentrate so hard that I obliterate the pain. In costume I\u2019m more like a cross between Mrs Bridges of Upstairs, Downstairs and Hattie Jacques than Mrs Danvers. Quick changes are a challenge.
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Reassuringly, everyone else makes mistakes too. Lines are forgotten, people come in at the wrong moment. Hilariously, the magic mirror \u2014 Len Goodman\u2019s face projected on to a screen \u2014 also fails.<\/span><\/p>\n
Craig makes a very convincing woman. When my youngest godson Billy, 11, sees him in Wicked Witch regalia he can\u2019t believe the transformation.
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<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Knuckling](\"http:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/i\/pix\/2011\/12\/30\/article-0-0F4BBDF700000578-743_306x538.jpg\")
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We\u2019re having such a good time that everyone misses the last train home and has to take taxis back to London.
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No Saturday shows as Craig is still doing Strictly, so I speak at a Conservative function. All anyone talks about is Strictly and panto.
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One of the professional actors stumbles briefly over a line but recovers brilliantly. He tells me: \u2018I was put off by the audience\u2019s reaction.\u2019 In Parliament I always had an interactive audience heckling and distracting me. That\u2019s why I feel quite at home in panto.<\/span><\/p>\n
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I don\u2019t have a special diet. I\u2019m making kids laugh, not running a marathon. This morning breakfast was bacon, egg, baked beans. If I fancy it I\u2019ll have smoked salmon and scrambled egg or toast and fruit. I don\u2019t eat lunch; I\u2019ve learned to limit eating between shows. Yesterday I had chips after the matinee.
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So now I eat in my hotel room about 10.30pm. We do 12 shows a week and we\u2019ll have Christmas Day off. Isn\u2019t that big of them? By midnight I\u2019m asleep \u2014 I\u2019ll sleep like a top until 7am.
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Text from Anton asking how everything is going. I phone him and his only advice is: \u2018Enjoy yourself\u2019. Craig is delighted with the show.<\/span><\/p>\n
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Bobby Barnes, my old constituency chairman comes with a party of 14 and loves the show \u2014 particularly the political jokes.
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Craig is judging the Strictly final tonight, so still no Saturday shows. After Friday\u2019s evening performance I whizz home to Devon. Arrive 2am. Arrange to be driven as my biggest fear is a sudden snowstorm that will halt trains and leave me stranded on Dartmoor. I don\u2019t have a stand-in. Who else could play Widdy?
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Return to Dartford late evening, unfortunately missing the Strictly final, but Craig tells me who won. I was rooting for Chelsee Healey. First I voted for Anton until he and Nancy went out, then Lulu, then Anita (Dobson).
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<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Getting](\"http:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/i\/pix\/2011\/12\/30\/article-0-0F4BBDFB00000578-251_634x433.jpg\")
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Day free as Craig has now finished Strictly and we\u2019re performing on Saturday. Go to House of Commons and buy Christmas presents \u2014 mints and shortbread \u2014 for the Seven Dwarves, plus stationery for all the other kids who are dancing.
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Between shows wrapped Christmas presents for all the children in the show. Molly, six, is the youngest of the 30 performers.<\/span><\/p>\n
I\u2019m reading Craig\u2019s autobiography. My Mother Superior would have\u00a0 had a fit at the risque bits and I admit to feeling a bit faint at times, but it was a gift from him so I must read it. I\u2019ve found we\u2019ve something in common: we were both Navy brats and both posted to Portsmouth, 20 years apart! We were also both somnambulists.
<\/span><\/p>\nOn a free day, Ann visited Battersea Dogs & Cats home and named two cats Craig and Anton<\/h2>\n
By 10am I\u2019m in my dressing room. Ceris, my dresser, does my wig. She puts my hair in pin-curls then on goes the ginger monstrosity. It takes 15 minutes. I do my own make-up. I\u2019ve had a lesson from a professional, but I\u2019m still not remotely good at it. The trick is: overdo it.
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I finish with a quick spray of Chanel No5. All done in ten minutes. Craig spends hours perfecting his face. He\u2019s too polite to comment on my efforts.
I have three costume changes. I begin in black and gold then wear two of my Strictly dresses: the yellow one I call \u2018Big Bird\u2019 and a blue one for the finale. Some of the cast change in the wings. I don\u2019t. The rule is: \u2018Widdy doesn\u2019t change in front of anyone except her dresser.\u2019
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Christmas is a big deal for me. I send 350 cards \u2014 I wrote them in Devon before I left and bought and wrapped all my presents. Luckily I\u2019ve got a very good secretary, so if I\u2019ve missed anyone she\u2019ll remind me. My housekeeper is keeping an eye on my house.
When I was an MP I always spent Christmas Day visiting hospitals and fire stations. Boxing Day became Christmas Day and the family would visit. \u2018What fun it will be to have Christmas back!\u2019 I thought after I retired.\u2019
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