Dear Bunmi,
I’m in my 20s and works in the public relations department of a big firm and my job entails meeting a lot of people.
My problem is that, I am a bit foot-loose and only like sex when it’s a bit risky. I’ve met up with clients and ended up having sex in their offices and in the loos!
Last month, however, I met up with a man in the hotel room we secured for him and he was really rough with me and I ended up with bruises from his unsolicited love bites!
This experience really freaked me out, but sex in safe situation just doesn’t turn me on that much. Am I normal? Why am I like this? What can I do to stop this bad behaviour!
Munirat,
By e-mail
Dear Munirat,
It sounds as if you have what is referred to as “risk taking” personality danger which gets you going. It is typically men who have this kind of character, who like casual sex, play dangerous sports and, push life to the maximum.
The answer for you is to find more challenges in your life. A more demanding job where you don’t get to go out a lot, for instance, or a physical hobby like going to the gym.
What’s more, you need to give a serious thought to the danger of sexually transmitted diseases, especially AIDS!
Dear Bunmi,
I suffer from vaginal dryness and it’s driving me crazy. It makes sex so uncomfortable. I honestly don’t enjoy it at all. I’m in my 20s, so, it can’t be my age. And, it happens with every man I sleep with, so it can’t be that I have rubbish partners.
Is my diet to blame? Should I be taking some medication? I don’t want to carry a lubricant around with me because it would be so embarrassing. What do you advise I do?
Cheryl
By e-mail
Dear Cheryl
For whatever it is worth, you could check if your hormone imbalance is making you dry. If it isn’t a medical problem, then, the answer lies in getting yourself very worked up before you go for penetration. Most women need at least half an hour of foreplay before intercourse.
Don’t just kiss and cuddle or rely on having your breasts caressed. Get your partner to penetrate you with his fingers and do some licking down there too. Saliva works just as well as a lubricant, you know! Lick your fingers and touch yourself during lovemaking to help you along. I find sex so painful
Religious view on sex confusing
Dear Bunmi,
I used to belong to a charismatic religious sect with very strict views on sex. When I was 20, I broke away and went back to the Orthodox church I once belonged to. Unfortunately, I now have a problem with my beliefs. Some girls in my church dress very sexily and, being a hot blood male, I really fancy them.
My old religion said this was lust and very wrong, but my Orthodox church assures me it is Ok and part of one’s emotional outlook. I’m comforted by this, but feel guilty as I’m not sure I’m right. I’ve been tempted to go back to my old religion, but I don’t really want to. Can you help in any way?
Chris,
By e-mail
Dear Chris,
You are pulled between two religions with different beliefs and, are not sure which to follow. I honestly believe that there is a difference between what religion says and what God says. God is God but religions are often influenced by ordinary men and women.
I suggest you don’t worry so much about the beliefs of either of the religions you’ve been involved with. Trust God and your instinct to find an answer.
Am I too old for sex toys?
Dear Bunmi,
I’m in my late 60s and lost my husband two years ago. I haven’t had sex since his death and I miss having orgasms. I’m now toying with the idea of using a dildo; I have even visited a few sex shops abroad just to have a look. Do you think I’m a bit too old for this sort of thing? I wouldn’t want to do myself any physical damage.
Philo
By e-mail
Dear Philo,
You’re absolutely not too old for this sort of thing! As for doing yourself any harm – the opposite is the case. A dildo will massage your vagina keeping you healthy ‘down there’ plus, having orgasms will help you stay fit. So, just do it!
As you haven’t had sex for a while, you may need to take things slowly and gently -like any muscle, your vagina can suffer from lack of use. And, if you feel a bit dry, add in some lubrication – you can use your own saliva, a specially-designed lubricant from a chemist, or any unperfumed body oil.
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