What we learned this week… Can Barcelona just hurry up and pay Arsenal what it takes to buy Cesc Fabregas?

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By Nick Price

Can Barcelona hurry up and buy Cesc Fabregas, please?

I don’t know about you, but WWLTW would rather stick rusty nails in its eyes than read yet another tedious story about the Arsenal skipper’s on/off move back to his boyhood club. Has there ever been a more prolonged and horrifically boring transfer pursuit than this?

Whether it’s the man himself umming and ahhing about whether he does or whether he doesn’t want to leave, his current team-mates imploring him to stay, ex-pros saying he should go because he’s not a good captain, other former players saying Arsenal would be mad to let him go because he’s the club’s biggest and best star, Catalans cooing over the prospect of signing him, board members of either club saying a deal is likely or unlikely to happen, or this column getting irate about it, it’s all just saying the same old tiresome rubbish.

For the love of all that is holy, could Barcelona and Arsenal just come to an agreement that a transfer will either take place now or never at all and just stop talking utter inane drivel about it?

Besides, it’s hardly as if he’s Diego Maradona or Pele, so why are Gunners getting so worked up about him potentially leaving (especially seeing as his sale could facilitate the filling of Patrick Vieira, Sol Campbell, and Ashley Cole shaped holes in the dressing room) and why are the European champions so determined to get him when they have Xavi, Andres Iniesta, Pedro, Lionel Messi, Javier Mascherano and Sergio Busquets to form a midfield from, not to mention the emerging Thiago Alcantara, who this week penned a new long-term deal.

It’s a pursuit that seems as pointless as it is tedious.

Still though, if Arsenal do pocket a cool £35 million or more then Wenger will be thrilled at the prospect of using that cash to reinvest in his squad.

After splashing out on a replacement, a new centre-back, a burly centre-midfielder and a new left-back he’d still have another £34m to add to the profit margin on his spreadsheet – zing!

Zzzzzz… | Even Fabregas is getting tired of talking nonsense now

Andre Villas-Boas talks sense, even if he is dull with it

Last week we noted that Chelsea’s bright new managerial thing was nothing like the last Portuguese bloke to have been met with such fanfare upon taking over at Stamford Bridge – disappointing for those of us who enjoyed Jose Mourinho’s mad rants, but on balance the club is better for a saner and certainly humbler new boss.

At his first official media briefing on Wednesday, the ginger bearded genius said a lot without really saying a lot, about wanting to buy the best players (as opposed to the canny tactic of paying mega money for tosh, like Roman Abramovich did in January when he lumbered Carlo Ancelotti with Fernando Torres), about giving his players a chance to prove themselves, and about how he was not a ‘Special One’ but a ‘Group One’ – a nickname that will almost certainly not catch on.

But if his press conferences are dull, don’t expect his football to be. His Porto side blitzed all in front of them last season, winning the league at a canter and dominating Europe in a way not seen since Julius Caesar unleashed the Romans on the continent, and the young boss wants his Chelsea to not just win, but win with a bit of flair.

Frankly, if he’s as good as his word, the Blues ought to be a hell of a fun side to watch next season, which is not what could be said of Mourinho’s often drearily bulldozing Premier League winning teams. We’ll take terrible quotes if they come with terrific football, thanks very much.  

Liverpool would be mad to sell Raul Meireles

If the Fabregas business is dull as dishwater, this saga is as curious as a case of radioactive sludge leaking out of your taps. The Portuguese midfielder was one of the finest players in the Premier League in the second half of the season, showing a versatility that allowed him to pass and move his way from just about any position in Kenny Dalglish’s side and capably filled in for Steven Gerrard when the skipper’s campaign was curtailed.

What we will learn this weekend…

WWLTW can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Cesc Fabregas MAY or MAY NOT move to Barcelona before the weekend is out, with either scenario causing hysterical Arsenal fans to smash their keyboards in frustration. Likewise, Charlie Adam COULD or COULD NOT find himself wearing a Liverpool shirt by Monday, in either case he will absolutely still be tubby and a bit toothless. And Manchester City WILL be linked with a ridiculous bid for a player they absolutely do not need. Remember where you heard that first, folks…

Yet it appears – in a move that would have Professor Frink scratching his head and pressing buttons on a giant machine that would flash ‘ILLOGICAL’ in huge letters – that the tattooed totem is to be shifted out to make space for the portly frame of Charlie Adam at Anfield.

The Blackpool man is a fine player in his own right, but punting the Portuguese into touch to bring in the Scot is a bit like trading in a Ferrari in perfect working order for a Porsche that has a a couple of hundred miles less on the clock.

It’s a pointless move. Liverpool might say that Meireles is being shipped out because he wants an improved contract, as apparently agreed when he signed a deal last year worth less than half of what Joe Cole – a player he is probably four times the better of – earns, and they want to cut down on the wage bill. But Adam will likely cost up to £10 million, before being given a hefty signing-on fee and a wage likely to be in the region of twice what Meireles is on at the moment.

At the best it’d be robbing Peter to pay Paul, and at the worst it’d be, well, it’d be throwing away a proven quality player for a fat quality player.

It’s a potential transfer – and it is just hypothetical at the moment, with the club not confirming that they want him out, but tellingly not coming out to deny the reports – that boggles the mind, and must be irking Liverpool fans who have already missed out on Phil Jones and Ashley Young to Manchester United, and seen Connor Wickham, a fan of the club, wander off up north to Sunderland.

Reds backers will soon be linking arms with Arsenal fans to demand that their clubs pull their fingers out and get a move on this summer.

Why would you sell this man? | Seriously, he looks like he’d kill you if you crossed him

Manchester United aren’t very good at keeping secrets

David de Gea’s move to Old Trafford was known by pretty much the whole football world, indeed, Sir Alex Ferguson even admitted as much as a month before he finally joined this week.

Yet United officials still saw fit to literally cover up the Spaniard when he arrived for his medical on Monday, but stupidly they failed to even do that properly, and the goalkeeper was snapped walking with the pictures beamed all over Twitter within minutes.

If you’re ever planning on springing a surprise on a loved one, absolutely do not tell anyone at Manchester United or you’ll be rumbled.

Carson Yeung should be sent to prison

The Hong Kong businessman and owner of Birmingham was this week arrested in his homeland as part of a money laundering investigation. WWLTW knows – like it does with most things – nothing about that, but it does know that Carson Yeung deserves to be sent down for a very serious crime.

The canny owner this week tried an epic swindle as he attempted to extort money from Stoke City after they offered an already ridiculous £16m in a double bid for Scott Dann and Cameron Jerome. Quite frankly, if the Potters offer even a pound more than that amount they ought to get Yeung locked up for daylight robbery.

Jamie Carragher reveals England players are too scared

The Liverpool defender claimed that the big names underperform for their country for fear of cocking up and becoming figures of hate and mockery from the media and fans alike. But there’s a simple reason why England’s stars repeatedly churn out performances that even Milli Vanilli would be embarrassed by: fear of their Three Lions team-mates.

If WWLTW had to get changed in the same dressing room as prolific prankster Rio Ferdinand, it would be preoccupied and petrified by the thought of its personal possessions being torn to shreds, or its boots being smeared in cow pat, or embarrassing texts being sent from its mobile, all in the name of a ‘merking’ from the former captain.

And that’s not to mention staying out the way of Ashley ‘Rifleman’ Cole…

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