Keep Cows Out of Town

Kate Getao

17 June 2011

opinion

Nairobi — I understand that there is a yogi somewhere in India who has just given up his fast against corruption. I’m disappointed that he gave up just when I commenced my boycott against dairy products.

I am eager to express my anger over all things bovine after I spent at least 20 per cent of each working day last week stuck in a cow jam.

Last week, when I asked what could have brought traffic along Ngong Road to a complete standstill each evening – I was informed that there was a cow show going on. If I may use that word: I was gobsmacked.

Why anyone would want to look at a cow is a complete mystery to me. As far as I’m concerned, once you have seen one cow, you have seen them all. The idea that there are enough cow addicts in Nairobi and its environs to create a 10-kilometre tailback on a city road boggles the mind.

If any of the cow exhibitors had consulted me about holding a cow fete in Nairobi, I would not have hesitated to advise them “Don’t do it!” Hello! Nairobi is a place where the majority believe that milk is a white powder that is mixed with distilled water and sold in a neat packet for their enjoyment.

This package of goodness should be bought from a brightly-lit supermarket fridge without the slightest hint that it was ever acquainted with a barnyard animal in any shape or form.

Indeed, I suspect that many city dwellers don’t like milk at all.

Find me a single person who protested about the price of milk when there was a lot of shouting in the streets last week about the hefty price of various foodstuffs. Finally, if the reaction to the arrival of a herd of cattle in Nairobi’s streets a couple of years ago during a drought is anything to go by, most Nairobi-dwellers are cowards.

I have gone to great lengths to prove that the deadly traffic jam created by the cattle exhibition last week could not have been caused by Nairobians.

I didn’t get a chance to interview them since not even an ambulance could have penetrated the thickened traffic, but I have a feeling that the cow-philes originated from outside the city; from places where cows are valued.

A person who knew a friend of a friend who actually attended the event (and was willing to admit it) informed me that some calves displayed at the exhibition were selling for quarter of a million shillings – or the price of a small car.

Now, if I had a chance to choose between a calf and a car, I know that it would be no contest. The calf is fluffy and cute and all that, but there is definitely a limit to what you can do with a baby bovine.

I mean, if there was a way of riding the baby cow into town, as Chinese town-dwellers chose to ride their horses into cities to protest against heavy traffic, then I would consider the animal an investment.

The little one could cushion me against the high fuel prices by living on locally-grown grass (probably from my neighbour’s garden – the last remaining lawn in Kilimani) and could easily weave through traffic.

However, I am sure I would soon fall foul of both the city cops and the Society for the Protection and Care of Animals. That is, if the calf survived the traffic fumes.

So if the cow is not of much use for traffic, then I suggest that next year’s show could safely be hosted well away from the city. I suggest Limuru, where there is plenty of sweet grass, and plenty of ways of getting there without obstructing city traffic.

Let the farmers see the cows in their genuine farm environment – unmixed with traffic. I’ll not cower and I’ll not be cowed from making this recommendation.

This Saturday, keep your cows out of town.

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