How Fame And Money Ruin Great Men

Joy Wanja

21 May 2011

Nairobi — Money and power have been described as potent aphrodisiacs, and the events of the past week seem to entrench that notion.

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Olympic champion Samuel Wanjiru and former IMF boss Dominique Strauss-Kahn were all reported to have failed to respect their marriage vows.

The ex-IMF chief is set to contest the sexual assault charges against him in court. Mr Schwarzenegger is said to have fathered a child with his housekeeper, while Wanjiru fell from a balcony and died after his wife found him with another woman in their matrimonial home.

Sociologist Pius Mutie says powerful men often stray because they are attractive to women who view them as capable of providing physical and financial security.

“Money may not buy love, but certainly it can ‘buy’ good company,” said the sociology lecturer at the University of Nairobi.

According to various studies, the higher up the leadership ladder a man goes, the more likely he is to be caught up in scandals and extramarital affairs.

Studies have also shown that influential and rich personalities, mainly men, tend to be risk takers and view risks differently from the rest of the public. They are often protected by their handlers, who are always more than ready to cover up for them.

Income levels

Dr Lukoye Atwoli, a psychiatrist and lecturer at Moi University, says attitudes among men and women change as the income levels rise.

“For men, money and power give them more opportunities to meet desirable women who would be happy to have an affair with them, raising the probability of cheating,” Dr Atwoli said.

He added that men become insecure if they feel their “provider” role has been taken away by the women in their lives and may become abusive and violent.

“In relationships where men have more power or money, the reasons the man will stray are the same as elsewhere: sexual dissatisfaction, personality problems, conflict in marriage, feelings of inadequacy, and opportunity,” Dr Atwoli said.

Other factors that increase the likelihood of cheating, include religiosity (those who are only moderately religious are less likely to cheat than the irreligious or the extremely religious), narcissism (belief in own self-importance), frustration with the partners, and psychological problems.

Dr Atwoli points out that with more money a man increases his contact with various types of women, and therefore increases the opportunity for them to have sexual liaisons without having to invest too much emotionally.

“You rarely find a ‘poor’ man with many sexual partners because it costs money,” Dr Mutie said.

The “go-ahead” mindset in which men with money and power are accustomed to getting whatever they want is the reason for their downfall.

In the book, Why Great Men Fall, Dr Wayne Goodall looks at a society where leaders believe they have it all; they assume they will not be found out and thus think they can outsmart the system.

Dr Goodall says most great men do not go far to engage adultery, financial fraud or tax evasion but begin by ignoring important tasks related to their work.

Some start with the excessive use of the company credit card, working fewer hours and staying in the best restaurants and hotel rooms at the expense of their organisations. They ignore the wife’s warning when she says “it’s all going to your head”.

Some experts believe there is a connection between cheating on and off the job, which is one reason businesses frown on extramarital affairs.

But men are not entirely to blame.

“The women plot to entice the wealthy man in order to benefit from his wealth or proximity to power,” Dr Atwoli said.

Many men believe every woman has a price, and any man willing to pay that price can have her. The price may be financial, emotional or even physical, but it often involves long-term considerations and security.

Dr Atwoli says the competing tendencies based on the power principle can be traced from the childhood of boys as they grow up where they engage in so-called “pissing contests” in which they attempt to show how much stronger or better they are than other boys.

“The competitiveness does not entirely go away as they grow older, and they continue competing on who has the most powerful gadgets like cars, phones, household appliances, even homes,” he said. Eventually, they are likely to compete on who has the most beautiful woman by his side.

The more money and power one has, the more likely they are to win the “pissing contest”. These contests are often fuelled by the women themselves, given that they select their men based on their ability to “provide” for a family.

Dr Goodall says some prominent and powerful men have adopted a mindset that they work very hard and deserve whatever they want.

“They do not ask themselves ‘why, they ask, ‘why not.'”

The author warns that inasmuch as leaders work hard, put in long hours and make huge decisions that affect citizens, they should uphold integrity and practise ethics.

Ego building

Powerful men have affairs for the same reasons other people do. The reasons may involve lust, ego-building, sensual pleasure or a lack of something in their marriage.

In Marriage Works, author J. John says in the modern Western society affairs represent a real threat to marriage.

“I believe that given the way human nature is, the inclination to have an affair is built in all of us,” he writes. “Today, to work at staying married is to go against the flow. None of us has a marriage that has guaranteed immunity to affairs.”

The most obvious reason why a man cheats with a servant or women perceived to be lower in status than his wife is opportunity. Usually, when men have extramarital affairs, they do not invest much emotional attachment to the sexual liaison.

Women, on the other hand, tend to invest a lot of emotion in such liaisons, which partly explains why they are more likely to leave their spouses for someone else, rather than cheat on him. They are often doing nothing wrong! The cheating spouse has the opportunity, and is driven by his own instincts to stray.

But many cheating men may be sexually unsatisfied at home, or frustrated by conflict in their marriages. But some men stray just to feel like they can enjoy sexual liaisons outside of marriage.

What happens if young men like Samuel Wanjiru possess so much money and have many “wives”? Is there a relation between confidence and money?

Psychologist Chris Hart and Dr Atwoli agree that inasmuch as rich men have many opportunities to cheat, they are not forced to do so.

Infidelity in marriage is caused by multiple factors, and men and women often cheat to a more or less similar extent. It is just that men are caught out more often and more easily and are rarely criticised for their infidelity, compared to women.

According to Dr Hart, when a man gets a lot of money, he starts looking around for a mistress or second wife or girlfriend and becomes much more attractive to the women.

What is the remedy? Accountability. “Our wives can be the greatest accountability partners we have,” Dr Goodall says, adding that an unaccountable spouse is living on the edge of risk.

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