How Men Talk, And DonÂ’t Listen

Men tend to perceive conversation with mates as a form of competition
or challenge-like playing office politics or jockeying for position in
the passing lane. When we’re asked a question, we don’t just answer –
we want to give the right answer (or the right excuse). If talking
turns into a debate or argument, naturally we want to win it. If the
conversation revolves around our partner’s problems, 9 times out of 10,
we’ll move into advice-giving mode, trying to come up with solutions to
the puzzle laid out before us.

Our adversarial attitude toward conversation is not just mental; it’s
physical, too. Conversation can be as stressful as any physical
challenge men face in life. It actually quickens our heart rates and
causes our temperatures to rise. Left unchecked, our impulse to wrestle
with conversation can also cause tempers to rise and very quickly lead
a conversation into the not-so-gentle realm of full-blown argument. But
it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s the basic nature of men to
equate the rigors of conversation with more physical challenges. We
don’t talk about stuff; we do stuff. We’re hands-on, proactive. “Men
get their identities from their achievements, not their relationships.
Thus, we have a hard time simply having a talk, empathizing with a
partner, commiserating with her. We need to talk to have a point or a
goal, or to address a concrete issue that can be solved with advice and
specific actions.

This is just the opposite of what women want.
Usually, all they want is to feel that you’ve heard them, regardless of
whether your conversation comes to a specific resolution.

not the only way we differ in conversational style. Just for your own
edification, here are some other examples that reveal our competitive
leanings when it comes to conversation.

 Men issue commands;
women make requests. For example, a man will say “Close the door,”
while a woman will ask, “Will you please close the door?” This gives
men power and makes women seem subservient.

 While women initiate conversations, men interrupt a lot more and thus gain control of the discussion.

conversation, men like to give information, not get it. This, by the
way, is why we don’t like to ask for directions. So in summary, men
really do need to learn how to just listen more. This will do wonders
for scoring brownie points in courting women.

In the mean time, Good Luck!

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About The Author
Leslie is a successful and world renowned authority figure on creating
and maintaining successful relationships. A much sought after global
speaker in the areas of intimate relationships, self-improvement and
human peak potential training.

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