At times we all withhold information in relationships, whether it’s to spare someone’s feelings or because we’re too afraid to admit what’s really on our mind. But there are certain things a woman will always keep from the man they’re in a relationship with.
In my role as a clinical psychologist (and even as a friend), I’ve heard a countless number of women of all ages sharing their frustrations about romantic relationships. And believe it or not, we all have the same set of five secrets we keep because don’t want to appear insecure or needy. I encourage you to share these topics we tend to stay mum about with your partner. You’ll not only educate him, but you’ll also get an honest dialogue going in your relationship.
1. We don’t ever want to hear about the details of your past relationships. Period.
While we’re sitting confidently and radiantly across from you at the dinner table, the last thing we want to be served is an appetizer of information about your ex. Just stop dishing about her before we lose both our appetite and collective cool. To be honest, we’d much rather you talk about any other topic, so if a woman tells you that she’s completely comfortable with you discussing an ex then you should definitely run for cover.
Relationship tip: Take a breath, have a sip of your drink, and charmingly say that we’re the only woman you want to talk about.
2. We really don’t want to know if we ‘look fat’ or the answer to any similar type of question.
These are trick questions. We want to hear that we look good (not ‘fine’, but good!). And by all means, don’t look at us and try to answer the question earnestly and honestly. We don’t want to hear that we don’t look good, because the truth is that we already know the answer to the question. We’re just simply speaking out loud.
Relationship tip: Don’t walk from this question—RUN!
3. We’re not comfortable with your blossoming relationship with a potential ‘work wife.’
We know that the woman you’re talking about has noticed your attention and is probably putting some extra effort into selecting her outfit in the morning. We’re so not cool with this.
Relationship tip: It’s okay to chat about work, but don’t talk about a female colleague who you’re obviously connecting with and then refer to her as your ‘work wife.’ It will only make your partner feel unnecessarily jealous and insecure.
4. We want you to remember the details of what we say.
When we’re talking to you we expect you to listen to the details, not just the overall message. So if we’re telling you about something going in our life, particularly about a problem that’s bothering us, we’ll actually want you to refer back to it at some point and follow up with us.
Relationship tip: If a woman tells you that she has everything under control and that you shouldn’t worry, you shouldn’t necessarily believe her. We actually want you to worry enough to pay attention and make note of what’s important. Your woman will adore you for this.
5. We want you to like our friends but not be enamored with them.
Sure, you can ask about our friends, but you need to pay careful attention to how much time you spend asking about each friend. We take stock of these things, make mental notes, and take the ‘emotional temperature’ of your questions.
Relationship tip: If you seem to be asking too many questions about a particular friend then you will get into trouble. Don’t even think about arguing with me on this one. I talk to women all the time and believe me they too are keeping score!