Ever wonder where you stand with someone? Is defining a relationship necessary? Well, I think at some point you do need to know. Often times we end up in relationship limbo because we don’t want rock the boat or we end up in a “relationship lite” situation where we kinda sorta are in a relationship, but not really … wait isn’t that friends with benefits? Ya, I thought so. Significant other or insignificant other? What is that really? Well, a significant other is “a person with whom someone has an established romantic or s*xual relationship”. So the actual word significant means that whatever it is that’s significant is important, it has meaning. It means you’re an important part of their life. Insignificant other? Well, you guessed it, it means unimportant and inconsequential. So what happens when you’re not sure if you’re significant or insignificant? Well, you find out that’s what!
significant-otherSignificant Other or Insignificant Other? How Do You Know?
So how DO you know? Well there are some tell-tale signs.
- First and foremost is if you’re exclusive or not. I mean BOTH of you are exclusive … if you haven’t had the exclusivity talk then you’re not exclusive. Never EVER EVER assume that you’re exclusive unless it’s been specified. So if you’re exclusive, then check mark in the “significant other” column.
- Secondly, are you an important part of their day to day life? Not just a text here and there, not just seeing each other once a week. What I’m speaking about here is if they bring you to events with them, social situations, have you met their friends and/or family, are you in a public relationship? Did you say “yes” to all these things? Then check mark in the “significant other” column.
- Thirdly, do they ask your opinion about important decisions in their life? Do they value your opinion? Do they actually take your viewpoints seriously? If you said yes, well, you guessed it, we’ve got another check mark in the “significant other” column.
- Fourthly, does your relationship extend BEYOND the bedroom or is it all about the s*x? Do all your encounters begin or end with s*x? Do you ever have “non s*x” dates that don’t begin or end in s*x? If you can honestly say that yes, you’ve had real dates with this person and it’s not all about the s*x, then check mark in the “significant other” column.
- Ok last but not least, and fifth, is ask yourself if you have genuine feelings for this person. Do you care about them and what happens to them? Do you care about what they care about? Do you trust them? Do they feel the same? Have you expressed it? Then check mark in the “significant other” column.
Significant Other or Insignificant Other? Using Your Gut …
If you have to ask, then, really, you know. I know personally, I just know in my gut if something has potential or not. Sometimes I ignore it and try anyway and my gut was always right. It took me a while to figure out how significant I am or not in someone’s life, but you do get to know pretty quickly. If someone likes you then you will know, it’s not that hard. If they are interested they will make a real effort to talk to you and spend time with you. If that changes, then, typically, it means that their intentions have changed.
I find there are a lot of whirlwind romances going on today where people are super excited about you for a short while and then all of a sudden they lose interest. In my opinion, it’s because we are dating in the age of instant gratification. People want that high of meeting someone new, the fireworks, the spark and then, just like a fire that burns fast and hot, it dies quickly. Same with the hookup culture and casual s*x. People SAY they want a significant other, but, in reality, all they want are a bunch of insignificant others.
Is there a solution? Well, you are only responsible for your own actions. You should always be clear about your intentions and your expectations. If you want to know where you stand with someone then ask. It’s that simple. If your gut tells you that something is off then it probably is, but never assume anything. Be clear about what you are looking for and discuss next steps with them. Even if you don’t hear what you want to hear from them and you don’t get the answer you’re really hoping for you’ll still know the truth and decide what you want to do. Significant other or insignificant other? Well, it’s really up to you, it really is.