Divorce is such a harsh and definitive end to a marriage that once had life, that once held so many dreams. People often throw the “D” word around during arguments or when they are upset and mad, as a means of getting back at their partner. But when a partner threatens divorce, they are doing so emotionally, and not logically. Before you use this threat, you need to be very sure a divorce is something you are really willing to go through with…
1. If your marriage is having problems, the best way to handle it is to figure out what those problems are and learn how to overcome them. Divorce does not allow you to do that. It abruptly stops the relationship before there is a chance for reconciliation. This gives an immediate halt to a relationship before anything can be resolved. This void will cause an endless list of “what if” scenarios that will haunt both of you for the rest of your lives.
2. When divorce is mentioned by a partner, it is often a surprise to the other partner. Numerous thoughts begin to race through the surprised partner’s mind. “Did they find someone else?” “How long have they been thinking about this?” “Have they wanted this for awhile and were just waiting for the right time to spring it on me?” None of these negative perceptions might be true, but once you introduce divorce into the conversation, the damage begins…
3. Why would someone begin insinuating divorce when they might not really want one? To hurt their partner. Their partner has done something to them and they now want to retaliate – pay them back so to speak. What some partners don’t understand is divorce is not a temporary pain.
This notion has to be used only under extreme circumstances where there is absolutely no possible chance for making any corrections in the relationship. The relationship must have suffered irreparable damage in order to consider such an extreme action.
4. If you find yourself contemplating divorce, you need to stop and think about what you are about to do. Once this word is implied, you have opened up a painful episode. Even if the two of you reconcile, the idea you even suggested ending your marriage might never be forgotten.
You have to make absolutely sure, without any doubt whatsoever, you really do want a divorce, to
totally end the relationship you have with your partner, before you make such a comment. If you have even the slightest doubt in your mind, don’t say it.
Are there destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your relationship? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs?