For Married Couples – 10 Bedroom Mood Killers You Should Avoid!
1. Bad breath.
While funky arm pits can be a turn on and sweat a useful lubricant, bad breath is never cool. Keep breath mints in your bedside drawer at all times, along with the condoms. Also follow the basic rule: if you’re not sure, your breath is probably a bit dodge. Oh, and minty lube might work in a pinch.
2. Washing machine kissing.
I have never found someone who actually likes a tongue tonsil scrubbing. You? Exactly. Keep your tongue where you can still feel it. And start slow. You can’t go wrong with a slow, tension-building snoglet.
3. Stampeding south
One of my favorite lines ever is from The Meaning of Life is when the Cleese school master character is teaching s*xual education, with the help of his wife. “No need to go stampeding for the clitoris, husband, give the wife a KISS!”
My thoughts exactly.
3. Terrible music
Actually, on second thought, that might actually be quite a sweet ice-breaker, if you’re both nice and it doesn’t smell too bad.
5. The phone
Tell me you don’t answer the phone during s*x. A friend once told me a guy texted while she was going down on him, but I hope that was just a horribly bad dream.
The TV, the laptop, the iPad…
Again, all totally unacceptable. Unless of course, you are P0*n folk. Then hey, go right ahead.
6. Children knocking on the door
Or, much much worse, children STANDING IN THE DOORWAY.
7. Inappropriate gestures
So obvious, yet such a regular passion killer, possibly because filters are rarely at optimum setting while turned on. Rule of thumb? Don’t compare anything to your thumb. Or shrug. Or – and I can’t stress this enough – ROLL YOUR EYES.
It’s creepy to have s*x with a cat in the room, dude. It just is.
Many, many animal like noises are sexy in the bedroom. Snorting is not one of them.
Like snorting, snoring is never good.