7 Smart Ways to Not Lose Yourself in a Relationship
It is often said that two people become “one” when they are in a relationship, but this phrase or concept is often misunderstood by many people. The idea behind this is that you become one team. And, a team consists of different people with different personalities and strengths that work towards some common goals. If you lose yourself in a relationship, and begin to conform to your partner’s expectations and demands, your team can become weak. So, here are some ways you can maintain your individual identity, and keep your relationship strong and healthy always.
1. Change but don’t lose
Small changes are healthy for a relationship, and are encouraged all the time. If you will feel that you will be happy and content with the changes you make in yourself, or the promises that you make to your partner for your relationship, then it is fine. But, it does not mean changing your entire personality. Not being able to recognise yourself in a few years, or as soon as a few months in the relationship, can be damaging for you and your bond. Making your partner happy is one thing, but doing everything to please him or her is not a good idea.
2. Just a part, not the whole
Having common interests, activities, friends, thought process and even habits is fine, as long as it all comes naturally. But when it becomes forced, it destroys your individuality and your relationship. So, make your partner a part of your world, but don’t make them your world! Whether it is hanging out with friends, playing sports, working on some ‘artsy’ projects, or your career, keep doing those things that always make you happy, and more importantly, make you who you are. Don’t lose yourself in the depths of the relationship and love.
3. Don’t forget “me”
ften, couples try to merge their partner into their interests all the time, dragging them everywhere they go and for everything they do. At times it is fine, as it helps you to bond with each other. But, if you don’t like what your partner does, then you will just be “pretending”. And, one thing we all know is that pretence is never good for any relationship. You don’t have to take up each and every interest that your partner has, to make them happy and pleased.
4. “They” need you too
Keep family and old friends close, and make new friends. Don’t forget your “own world”– the world that existed before they came into your life. You must keep this world close to you as well, because your partner is not going to be around you at all times, and you don’t want to feel alone, incomplete, and bored without them. These are the people, apart from your partner, who have and will always be around you to make your life easier. They too deserve your individual time and attention.
5. Don’t lose “I” in “We”
When you are not with him, try not to mention him in every conversation you have with someone, and avoid texting him when you are with your friends or family. Not only is it annoying for others, it is also about being obsessive for your own good. All this might seem fine at the start of a new relationship, but not in the long run. Addressing yourself as “we” is okay when relevant, but don’t forget that there is an “I” in you as well.
6. Stand up for I
Too many arguments and fights may not be good for the relationship. Yet, letting go of your opinions, or suppressing your true feelings every time is not good! If it is not important, you can give it up and you need not create an issue. But if you really feel strongly about something, and if it upsets you, you must stand up for yourself, and tell your partner that you are not okay about it.
7. Love yourself unconditionally
Don’t forget that they fell in love with the person you were before you were in the relationship. They were drawn to the “you” that existed without “him/her”. So, don’t ever let that person go, or you might just end up losing your partner’s interest, or worse, your partner as well. Falling in love is great. But keep some love for yourself as well.
Both you and your partner have individual lives, along with your life together. Balance has always been the key to any kind of success, and the same applies here.