Realities you may not have thought of post-breakup.
Breakups are tough. You have all these hopes and dreams built up for a life with this one special person, only to have it all come crumbling down.
Whether you were the “dumpee” or the “dumper”, it can still be equally as difficult. The very fact that there have been feelings of tenderness at one point and knowing that what the relationship once was is forever gone can cause the heart much grief, despair, and ache.
Here are three truths that I have come to realize when healing after a breakup:
The soul must grieve
Sometimes post-breakup we are so mad at our ex that all we want to do is to be angry at them, expel some rage, and move on. Other times, we can find ourselves still holding on to the relationship, wishing and hoping that somehow things will magically work themselves out so the two of you can be together.
Both of these post-breakup reactions are defense mechanisms from avoiding the truth of the matter: Our heart is broken. The reality is that, because our heart is broken, we must be willing to give ourselves the time and space that we need to grieve. We have to allow ourselves to really cry it out and to acknowledge and accept that the hopes and dreams we once had for the relationship are now forever lost for this lifetime.
There is no time-limit on healing.
Just because your breakup was 2 years ago doesn’t mean that you should be completely over it 100%— despite what personal beliefs you may have about it or what others have told you.
Relationships are one of the most complicated things in this world. And just because you got over one person within a couple months it doesn’t mean that you will get over everybody you date within a couple months. With some people it can hurt so much more than with another person for various reasons that may forever be a mystery even to ourselves.
Healing from a breakup may take weeks, months, or years. Sometimes it may never really fully heal 100%. But the key here is to be self-compassionate with yourself and to accept of your own unique healing process — regardless of how long it takes.
They will forever be a part of you.
Whether we may like to admit it or not, our ex will forever be a part of us — just as they always have. Deep down on a more soul level, we have always known them and cared for them. It was simply the process of meeting them in this life that allowed that care to be expressed once again.
They came into our lives to help us learn, grow and become closer to being our true selves in this world — just as we have for them. And it is those lessons that continue to live in us today, as they will for all of time.