1. Your parents are basically demi-gods. It doesn’t matter if you learned that the sky is blue. If your parents say the sky is orange, it is.
2. Your parents were never wrong
3. Your grandparents are the only people who can put your parents in their place. (And you will enjoy those moments.)
4. Your house is a free for all. Your aunt staying for ‘three days’ could easily be three months or a year.
5. Spare the rod, you spoil the child was their go-to line.
6. God help you if you’re living under your parent’s roof and you yell at them, slam a door in anger, and/or curse in their presence. Yeah, God help you.
7. The youngest child will be blamed for everything by the siblings….until he or she is able to talk.
8. The oldest child will be blamed for everything by the parents and extended family
9. Crying when asked about something mean you’re guilty
10. Your parents will call you from upstairs, downstairs, outside, etc., to hand them something that is literally 10 centimeters away from them.
11. You will not leave your parents’ home without learning how to cook.
12. Religious attendance and practice is not an option.
13. Everyone who is older than you is your “auntie” or “uncle.” Calling them by their first name is basically a crime against humanity.
14. There is just no way on earth you will ever meet all members of your extended family.
15. Sleepovers at friends’ houses only happen if your parents have known the family’s family since the beginning of time.
16. Eating at your neighbours without permission is punishable by the cane.
17. Even in adulthood, your parents will refer to the person your dating as ‘your friend’
18. The only sex talk you will get is “Do not bring shame to this family!”
22. Your siblings will be the first people to bully you. To prepare you for life.
23. If your entire full name is being called, and your native language is also being spoken, the day shall not pass without tears.
24. Soda in the fridge? Either your parents were in a REALLY good mood or there are visitors coming over.
25.But now that you are grown, growing up really was a comedy