Lately, I’ve been writing a lot about physical intimacy, which of course is extremely important in a marriage. However, couples can’t neglect the other key ingredients for a healthy partnership. It’s great to connect with our spouse physically, I recommend it, but a physical attraction or desire shouldn’t be the only means of uniting a couple. Married partners should be connecting on a much deeper level. It’s time we asked how well we really know our spouse. Not just knowing where their secret birthmark happens to be, but what we know about their goals and dreams, their proudest accomplishments, and hardest days are equally important. If ever we wonder exactly how to create a relationship beyond a physical attraction, here are a few things we should uncover about our spouse:
1. What brings him/her joy. This is important because as often as possible we want to be responsible for contributing to the smile on their face.
2. What they are afraid of. If those moments ever occur, we will already know they need us, and we’ll be equipped.
3. What turns him/her on. We all know why this one matters so much. We want to make this one a habit so more hanky panky, yeah I said hanky panky, can jump off even more frequently.
4. What turns him/her off. Yes, to be aware is to be alive. Knowing our partners inside and out is helpful as we work towards building a healthy relationship. Too many turn offs can lead to a troubled marriage.
5. What’s their favorite pastime/hobby. We should know what’s important to our partners. Even when their hobbies leave us scratching our heads, if they like it we should love it.
6. What job they would do even if they weren’t getting paid for it. This provides us a glimpse of what our mate is most passionate about. So when the time comes, we can help support them in pursuing their dream.
7. Their favorite meal, color, movie, book etc are the small nuggets of random information that could provide a great insight into who our partner is.
8. How best to comfort them. It might be difficult for them to discuss while they are going through challenges. It’s best we have an understanding prior to any trials that may come their way. Do they need time alone, to be held, or just listened to, are a few comforting solutions we should know.
9. The most fitting way to support them. What specifically do they require most when they are taking on a big venture. We want to make sure we are prepared to be that needed cheerleader.
10. How they need to be listened to. Do they prefer our advice or for us to be a silent partner at times. How we listen really matters to our mates and could determine how much they communicate in the future.
11. What they believe. Couples should be on the same page, not only mentally and physically, but also spiritually. We should be able to pray and worship together, which could be challenging when there are contrasting beliefs. Other beliefs are important as well. Knowing if they think children should be home schooled, if they feel wives should submit to their husbands or believe in the death penalty, all offer us a better understanding of our spouse’s character and where they place value.
The more we know about our partners, the greater our relationships will be. This level of intimacy takes our marriage farther than we could ever imagine. It is the best way to build a solid foundation. If you are unsure about any of the above, it’s time to shutdown the device you’re using to read this post and have a much needed conversation with your spouse.