I have never been a jealous woman. Sure, I take note if my man is lingering on a woman’s body for too long (and glare at him when he does). But that’s less about jealousy and more about wanting to be respected.
The jealousy that I speak of leads women to go through their man’s phone or ask them where they’re going (and with whom). You call him multiple times a day to test him. If and when he doesn’t call back immediately, you assume the worst — he’s with another woman.
Some women are jealous because they’ve been burnt. Others are filled with jealousy because the man in question has cheated in the past. Whether it’s just in your nature or you’re dealing with a jealous man yourself, here are five ways to battle jealousy in a relationship.
1. Know the root of your jealousy.
Knowing is half the battle. Your jealousy comes from somewhere and you should discover the root. If he cheated, you should seek counseling so you can overcome your fears that he will be unfaithful again. If jealousy is a learned behavior (for example, your mother was jealous with your dad) you need to nip it in the bud. Don’t repeat history. No matter the reason, you won’t be able to battle jealousy until you know why you’re jealous.
2. Express your fears.
No matter who is the jealous one in your relationship, expressing your fears (jealousy often stems from fear and insecurity) will help overcome said-jealousy. If you don’t express yourself, the fear festers and the bad behavior begins. That’s when jealous people go wild … and even turn violent. Before it turns into a situation where you’re hiring a P.I. or he’s tracking your iPhone, talk about your fears and why you’re jealous.
3. Conquer your insecurities.
In relationships, many of our negative behavior stems from our insecurities, and that includes that jealous streak. If you are confident in yourself and what you offer, you don’t care to be jealous. Once you conquer your insecurities, you will realize you deserve a man that you trust and that trusts you.
4. Have an anti-jealousy plan.
Let’s say you know why you’re jealous and have expressed it to your partner. You’re also a lot more confident now. Still, it isn’t easy to end a bad habit. That’s why you must have a plan in place for when the Green-Eyed Monster rears its ugly head. Take a deep breath. Walk away. Call someone who can calm you down. Just be sure your anti-jealousy buddy will diffuse the situation, not rile you up.
5. Focus on the present moment.
When we are jealous, we are often focusing on the “what if’s.” What if he’s cheating again? What if he doesn’t want me? What if he met someone new? What if I can’t trust him again? This is what leads to that wild behavior that I discussed earlier. The thing is, we will never know if we can trust someone 100 percent. Focusing on what we cannot control or change or foresee gets jealous people in deeper trouble. Instead, focus on the present moment. If he doesn’t pick up his phone or doesn’t call you back right away, think about what is happening then and there, and not what you think is happening — the worst.